Loneliness and feeling alone …. are not the same. A great sage I met in my life used to tell me:
-being lonely is beautiful, but feeling alone is never beautiful!
The pain of feeling alone is little understood by those who have never experienced it. It’s kind of like the pain of your toesslammed against the door in the dark of the night, it’s so strong, but you can’t understand it if you haven’t experienced it :)!
Being lonely or feeling alone?
In the English language, two words distinguish the concept:
Feeling alone is when you feel the pain of loneliness and experience all the consequences. On the other hand, we use solitude when we feel the benefits of being alone and it is a voluntary choice.
Solitude can be really beautiful. It’s an opportunity to dig deep into ourselves, listen to ourselves, and get back to practicing “being” rather than doing. But, here, we will focus on loneliness, therefore FEELING alone.
Loneliness is not seeking moments of solitude. Feeling lonely is missing something or someone we think we should have or have been deprived of. As a result, we experience pain and deep suffering where time is perceived as a sadistic and patient executioner.
Loneliness paradoxically becomes such a loyal companion that it can be with you even on vacation or in a crowded environment. It becomes living in a symbiosis that hurts every single moment. It becomes that friend who constantly whispers the tremendous deafening silence in your ear, is there to make sure you are aware of the pain it inflicts, and doesn’t forget to “feel” it.
Talking to someone might help, but that someone needs to understand and have really experienced “feeling The Voids of Loneliness.”
In my opinion, talking to someone who has never slammed that toe in the dark can even be detrimental!
Talking to somebody that has never experienced the pain of loneliness and does not know the extent of the hurt can be even more hurtful; hearing – “I have to take care of so many people in my life that I wish I could be a little bit more alone!” That’s like putting salt on the raw wound that makes you withdraw even more.
Yet this experience can help you to understand you have to be selective about who you can talk to about your pain. Choosing who to talk to about your loneliness is vital for your well-being. There is no need to add these people to the blacklist. They just haven’t experienced what you’re experiencing; therefore, they aren’t able to understand.
Improving the condition of loneliness entails hard work and hard work needs excellent self-awareness. Getting rid of this loyal “companion” can be exhausting, but when the pain of staying where we are, outweighs the pain of changing, we can allow ourselves to embark on a new adventure.
What can I do to help release myself from the deep pain that loneliness inflicts on me?
Listening to ourselves is crucial.
Learning to listen to myself, what I need and want to pursue, and what I need to let go of. What is good for me? What is hurting me? What is of benefit and value to my existence?
We must make choices not only for distraction’s sake. Mere distraction is pulling us apart and away from our focus; it has short-term and temporary benefits. We need to choose what is really adding value to ourselves, to our life, and to what extent focusing on the particular action benefits us and can transform the painful status quo. A distraction for distraction’s sake is a temporary patch with temporary benefits.
I have to be able to figure out what really can nourish me. And this is hard work.
The road is paved with unsuccessful attempts, but that should not discourage me, knowing that it is a trial-and-error path in the effort to uncover and own my true path. I accept that some attempts will fail and others will be beneficial. Enjoy your journey!
Most of all: BE – DO – HAVE
BE committed to the new you.
DO whatever it takes to achieve your first goal in your “changing game.”
HAVE what you want. You will reach concrete results.